The executive director of Live Faith First, Elliot Sands co-founded Denver’s CirrusMD in 2012, establishing the company’s strategic vision for eliminating barriers between patients and physicians. He has served as chief operating officer at The SHP Foundation in Palo Alto, which involved complete oversight of the $14 million operation. Elliot Sands has had plenty of opportunity to navigate some of society's divides and find ways to build bridges.
 
1 in 6 Americans broke a close relationship during the 2016 election cycle, that means family gatherings may be a bit awkward these days.  Beyond awkward, maybe even combative or possibly people are opting out. 
 
2000 years ago, Jesus entered into a polarized world.  A racially and politically charged environment.  He then gathered 12 people close to him that would never have otherwise chosen to travel and live together.
 
Matthew the tax collector- was a traitor to his people who had aligned himself with the occupying Romans.  Simon the Zealot-had chosen to actively fight against the occupying Romans.  Matthew and Simon were as far apart politically and socially as you can get.  Andrew-was a religious outsider, who followed John the Baptist rather than the mainstream religious leaders.  Then you add in Joanna whose husband was the business manager for the Roman ruler, Mary who had a storied past and a few uneducated fishermen and you round out the most unlikely band of followers.  But these people who had every reason to be divided changed the world.  How did this happen?  They were focused on Jesus.
 
When you look at our families, our communities, our churches, our nation we can find plenty to divide.  We can choose to focus on what separates us, or we can choose to focus on what brings us together.  When Jesus becomes the focus, everything that divides doesn’t hold the same weight anymore.  Jesus is bigger than all of our opinions and other people’s opinions, he is bigger than the grudges we hold against other people too. 
 
How do we navigate those awkward family gatherings with Jesus as our primary identity?
 

1. Forgive them.  I have found that even in a simple prayer to God saying “I forgive that person” it has an amazing power to release emotions.  They may not deserve the forgiveness, but it’s not about the deserving.  We didn’t deserve or earn God’s forgiveness.
2. Pray for them.  After forgiving them, pray for them.  Pray for their good, pray for God to be with them… or maybe you can only say “I pray for…” You will find that just these two things will start to soften your heart and attitude.
3. Repeat daily.  Yeah, this probably isn’t a once and done deal. 

 
If you’re not a follower of Jesus, even saying the words “I forgive…” has an amazing power.  Sometimes these words come out as a whisper, sometimes it feels like our throat wants to hold back even the utterance of the words “I forgive” but it slowly starts to free us from the bonds that are holding us back.
 
If you do this, when you go to that family gathering, it won’t be perfect, that person will be doing their thing, but you’ll find that YOU are in a different place.  You might be irritated, but you might find yourself leaving the room rather than engaging.  You’ll find that something is different in YOU!

Elliot Sands is the Executive Director of Live Faith First.  Live Faith First produces the Groundswell video and podcast series.  The organization’s mission is to be a leading voice of change, addressing division and building unity within our churches and society.  Elliot is also a co-founder of CirrusMD, which gives patients on-demand access to Physicians in less than 60 seconds.
 
Elliot was having a conversation with an older couple and he wanted to see how they would respond to a question.  He asked them if they ever planned to move.  Elliot knew this couple was getting ready to move because somebody had driven by their house and seen a for sale sign out in front of their house.  But they hadn’t mentioned it to anybody, so he was checking to see how long it would take them to notify their family.  Their immediate response was “we’re not ever planning to move.”  He was shocked and amazed that they had just lied.  He was thinking-you’re all grown up, what does it matter if you move?  You can do whatever you want.  And yet they lied.
 
That day he realized, you don’t change by accident.  That couple had always lied, that wasn’t a new thing, it was a habit that formed and they never bothered to change it.  We don’t magically just change.  We don’t turn 25 and all of a sudden we’re not grumpy anymore.  We don’t turn 30 and go hey look, I stopped being angry. 
 
In our polarized world, we won’t magically become un-polarized.  Any place that you find division: ethnic, socio-economic, generational, political those divides will not disappear magically or accidentally
 
What can you do to purposefully break those divides? 
 

1.  Cross the divides.

 
Initiate a conversation with somebody across the divide- somebody younger or older than you, somebody with a different skin tone, somebody from a different political party, somebody from different socio-economics.  What divide do you want to cross?  When you open your eyes to the divide, an opportunity will come about for you to cross that divide.
 

1.  Learn

 
In that conversation be the learner.  Ask good questions, find out more, seek understanding.  No teaching allowed, just learn.
 

1.  Put Jesus at the center

 
When Jesus is your primary identity, then your other very important identifiers become a little less weighty-they’re secondary.  So if the person says something that you might normally take offense at, remember this isn’t about you it’s about Jesus-He’s at the center.  So those comments don't have to carry the weight they may normally.
 

1.  Repeat

 
Do it again.  Sit with that person again, or maybe look for another person.  Remember-this isn’t a magic one-time event, it’s a process of moving in the right direction.
 
Taking the first step toward change can be difficult, but the more you pursue change the easier it gets.  One day you’ll look back and it will just be natural.  Take the first step, be purposeful, and you’ll find in time YOU CHANGED!!!