How to Navigate Strained Relationships

The executive director of Live Faith First, Elliot Sands co-founded Denver’s CirrusMD in 2012, establishing the company’s strategic vision for eliminating barriers between patients and physicians. He has served as chief operating officer at The SHP Foundation in Palo Alto, which involved complete oversight of the $14 million operation. Elliot Sands has had plenty of opportunity to navigate some of society's divides and find ways to build bridges.
 
1 in 6 Americans broke a close relationship during the 2016 election cycle, that means family gatherings may be a bit awkward these days.  Beyond awkward, maybe even combative or possibly people are opting out. 
 
2000 years ago, Jesus entered into a polarized world.  A racially and politically charged environment.  He then gathered 12 people close to him that would never have otherwise chosen to travel and live together.
 
Matthew the tax collector- was a traitor to his people who had aligned himself with the occupying Romans.  Simon the Zealot-had chosen to actively fight against the occupying Romans.  Matthew and Simon were as far apart politically and socially as you can get.  Andrew-was a religious outsider, who followed John the Baptist rather than the mainstream religious leaders.  Then you add in Joanna whose husband was the business manager for the Roman ruler, Mary who had a storied past and a few uneducated fishermen and you round out the most unlikely band of followers.  But these people who had every reason to be divided changed the world.  How did this happen?  They were focused on Jesus.
 
When you look at our families, our communities, our churches, our nation we can find plenty to divide.  We can choose to focus on what separates us, or we can choose to focus on what brings us together.  When Jesus becomes the focus, everything that divides doesn’t hold the same weight anymore.  Jesus is bigger than all of our opinions and other people’s opinions, he is bigger than the grudges we hold against other people too. 
 
How do we navigate those awkward family gatherings with Jesus as our primary identity?
 

1. Forgive them.  I have found that even in a simple prayer to God saying “I forgive that person” it has an amazing power to release emotions.  They may not deserve the forgiveness, but it’s not about the deserving.  We didn’t deserve or earn God’s forgiveness.
2. Pray for them.  After forgiving them, pray for them.  Pray for their good, pray for God to be with them… or maybe you can only say “I pray for…” You will find that just these two things will start to soften your heart and attitude.
3. Repeat daily.  Yeah, this probably isn’t a once and done deal. 

 
If you’re not a follower of Jesus, even saying the words “I forgive…” has an amazing power.  Sometimes these words come out as a whisper, sometimes it feels like our throat wants to hold back even the utterance of the words “I forgive” but it slowly starts to free us from the bonds that are holding us back.
 
If you do this, when you go to that family gathering, it won’t be perfect, that person will be doing their thing, but you’ll find that YOU are in a different place.  You might be irritated, but you might find yourself leaving the room rather than engaging.  You’ll find that something is different in YOU!